


Age Gaps

by Anonymous



Series: The Dream Team DID System [6]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alters, Angst, Childhood Friends, Clay | Dream has DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), The Dream Team System, sapnap is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28473183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Forrest is 15. Forrest is 15 and the body is 21. Forrest is 15 and Sapnap is going to be 20.Forest is 15. He's always been 15. Slowly, but surely he's getting left behind.-Or: The Dream Team is a DID system. Forrest is a teen alter, and Sapnap his best friend.
Relationships: Sapnap & Clay | Dream, Sapnap & Forrest
Series: The Dream Team DID System [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078016
Comments: 25
Kudos: 378
Collections: Anonymous





	Age Gaps

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warnings: Suicide Ideation, Past Self-Harm, Trauma, Dissociation, Memory Blocks, PTSD, Desire to Self-Harm

_**snapmap:** @dickteam, we filming??_

Forrest groans as he reads the text from where he's buried under the blankets on their bed. He squints at the screen and debates about whether to reply, ultimately setting the phone down next to him in indecision.

He's supposed to film with Sapnap and George today. He knows he is.

But Forrest- Forrest can't. He's been out for over two days now, stuck in the front and unable to contact anyone in the inner world. It's isolating and lonely.

Forest enjoys fronting, enjoys having a life in a tangible world with people who exist outside the inner world, but it also sucks.

It sucks because Forrest is a gangly teen halfway through puberty who just wants to chill and play video games and hang out with his friends. Except he's in the body of a twenty year old with a job and responsibilities and a life. And it sucks.

He at least has his hoodie, an article of clothing that's absolutely precious to him. A hoodie that's grey and thick while still worn. A hoodie that no one else in the system touches. He pulls it closer to his body squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to imagine himself as he actually looks like, wearing the hoodie, and not like a stranger in this foreign body.

His phone buzzes once at his side once more. He continues to ignore it, and not soon after it starts to rapidly buzz.

He groans loudly and peeks at the screen, pressing to answer the incoming call from Sapnap.

"Hey," Sapnap says, "Y'all didn't reply to my message."

Forrest groans, unable to cope with a better response.

"Forrest?" Sapnap confirms.

It’s both validating and absolutely fucking annoying that Snapnap can recognize him by just a groan.

"Yes," he mumbles into the pillow.

"If you're not up to filming, that's fine," Sapnap said, "We can do it another day."

"No I just-'' Forrest quickly cuts himself off, not wanting to continue.

"Just what?" Sapnap asks him.

Forrest shrugs, not caring that Sapnap can't see him.

"Forrest?" Sapnap repeats.

"I'm really tired," Forrest admits, tears bubbling in the corners of his eyes, "So tired."

"Hey, okay Forrest, lets talk," Sapnap encourages.

At the prompt, Forrest heaves out a sob.

"What's up Forrest?" Sapnap tried.

"I- I just. I've been stuck in the front for days now with no one. And it sucks. It sucks cause like this is real life and I can- there's people besides the system and that's great. But, but it's- it's not right. Cause this body isn't mine and this life isn't mine and I'm a fucking teenager and it's all- it’s all too much and I, I don't like. I don't want it. I don't want to deal with it."

"That sounds like a lot," Sapnap comforts.

"I'm really, really tired," Forrest admits, "I want to die."

"That's a lot to carry,".Sapnap says. Forrest appreciates how Sapnap doesn’t challenge the belief, or try to argue with him. Forrest is working on it, but wanting to die doesn’t go away in a day. "Are you safe?"

"Yeah,'' Forrest confirms. He thought a bit about hurting himself, and he'd like to. But it's hard to hurt the body when it's not all his, when others will have to see his scars. It's hard when self harm hurts the system as a whole and Forrest desperately needs it but can't risk bringing that pain to others.

Forrest swore never to hurt the body again after Luc had switched out to find his thighs bleeding open, slashed to pieces. The little had cried and cried, screaming at the top of his lungs. Forrest had felt terrible, horrible. He had felt like such a fuck up that he had even tried to go dormant.

It had been a rough time.

It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen right away, but after that he finally stopped hurting the body.

"Alright, that's really good," Sapnap encourages, "Is there anything I can do to support you?"

Forrest shrugs.

"It's nice talking to you," he admits.

"It's nice talking to you too."

"Can we- do you think we could play Minecraft?" Forrest asks, gripping the phone tightly in both hands. "But, but without filming? Just for fun and stuff? And I can be Forrest?"

"Sure," Sapnap agrees instantly, "Of course Forrest, that sounds like a great plan. I'm loading it up right now."

Forest gives a tender smile, the first one to appear on his face in a while.

Slowly, he shuffles out from under the covers and slumps into the chair by his own computer, turning it on. He wraps his body up close as he waits for it to load, chin on his knees.

He's still wearing pajamas. Getting dressed and showered is too much for him today.

It's still not a great day, Forrest still wants to die. But he gets to play Minecraft with Sapnap, and those little things are what's worth living for.

Sapnap’s his best friend, always has been.

But it’s hard sometimes, watching Sapnap grow up and become an adult as he stays, stuck as a teenager. He’s never really wanted to age before, but as Sapnap gets closer and closer to not being a teen anymore, he’s terrified of what that means for him.

Sapnap and him used to be such good friends, stupid teenagers who talked about dumb shit and stayed on calls way too late into the night, laughing loud enough to wake their parents.

Now, Sapnap’s in college. He has his own life, and he’s growing up and it’s terrifying.

Forrest feels like he’s losing his best friend.

And it sucks, because here Sapnap is, comforting him when he’s having a shitty day and playing Minecraft with him. It feels almost like it used to. But Forrest knows it’s going to end eventually, that it is ending, the end is in sight.

“Okay,” Sapnap says, “What’s up?”

“Hmm?” Forrest says, tearing his eyes away from his lap and back to the computer.

“You dissociating? Or is something on your mind?”

“Oh, uh…” Forrest says, unsure how to respond, “It’s just…” What does he tell Sapnap?

“Dude, what’s going on?” Sapnap says, “I’m like your best friend, you can tell me anything.”

That’s- that’s true. Forrest doesn’t tell Sapnap everything. But he can, he knows he can. Sapnap has been his friend since he first formed, his best friend. Forrest hasn’t known life without him. So he shares.

“You’re going to be twenty in March,” he blurts out.

Sapnap is quiet for a minute. He even stops mining and Forrest can imagine him pulling his attention away from the screen and to the voice on the other end of the call.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “Yeah. I am.”

He doesn’t have to ask a question, but Forrest knows the ‘why did you bring that up?’ is hanging underneath his tongue.

“It’s just-” Forrest begins, struggling on how to say this.

He doesn’t want Sapnap to think he’s a baby, that he’s complaining over nothing. Birthdays are supposed to be a fun thing and Forrest is ruining it.

“You’re- it’s- you’re going to be twenty,” he repeats.

Sapnap laughs.

“That is how age works Forrest,” he snarks, “Every year, you get older.”

“No,” Forrest says, “Not that’s- it’s not like that for me.”

Silence fills the call.

“Oh,” Sapnap says, “Yeah.”

In that moment Forrest is certain that Sapnap is aware of what this actually is about.

“I’m sorry,” Forrest rushes to fill, “I didn’t- I don’t- it’s not- Fuck.”

Forrest grips his hair, tearing at it sharply and relishing in the pain it brings. He squeezes his eyes shut sharply and grinds his teeth together. His insides are so tight and painful and he wonders if something’s wrong. He feels like everything’s cramping together, compressing inside of him, but at the same time his skin seems too tight and his entire body bloated.

He hisses through his teeth as he aches. An overwhelming wave of hatred rolls through his head and he releases his hair, gripping at his arms instead. His nails dig into his soft skin, pressing deep into the flesh, creating bright red indents. He lifts his arms, still gripping them with his nails, and whacks them into his head.

He hates this, he hates this so much.

“Forrest.”

It’s- he’s so alone. He can’t reach anyone inside. Even if he could, it wouldn’t matter much. He’s always been an outsider. His memory blocks between the rest of the system have always been the worst and he knows they try, but he’s an outlier. He doesn’t fit in with everyone else.

Sapnap was his relief, his saving grace, his best friend, the only person his age he could talk to.

But now Sapnap’s five years older than him and he’s losing all of that.

“Forrest, Forrest,” Sapnap.

“I don’t get it,” Forrest snaps, “I don’t- I’m here hating myself, and being a dick and- and you’re spending time with me and being nice to me. I don’t- you’re an adult now Sapnap, why are you even still friends with me? Are we even still friends?”

“Forrest,” Snapnap says, “Forrest you need to listen to me, now.” His voice is powerful, and commanding and Forrest is trained to listen to it. It stops him in his tracks, turning to the voice and knowing he has to listen.

Voices like that used to scare him. Most vices that are powerful, that forceful still do scare him.

Sapnap wasn’t always an exception, but somewhere over the years of knowing him he has become one.

“Forrest,” Sapnap says, “You are my best friend.”

“I just-”

“You think I don’t know that I’m five years older than you and that’s only going to increase?” Sapnap asks, “You think I don’t think about the fact that for every day older I get, the further I get away from my best friend? It’s not something I just forget.”

“It’s not the same-” Forrest protests, “Your, it’s normal for you. You should- I’m a fucking teenager and you need to move on with your life.”

“Forrest, kindly shut the fuck up.”

The words cause him to crack a smile. From anyone else, it would be a dick move, offensive. But this is Sapnap. How many hours have the spent making stupid fart jokes over the phone and challenging each other to relentless pvp battles? How many times had Sapnap guided him through panic attacks and memory gaps? How many times had Forrest encouraged Sapnap to sign up for a club, or ask a girl out?

It’s Sapnap. It’s different with him. It always has been.

“You're right,” Sapnap agrees, “It is different for us. And I’m not going to pretend I get it, okay Forrest? But you’re stupid if you think just because I’m getting older and you’re not that we’re not going to be friends anymore.”

Forrest, he wants to believe Sapnap. But the reality is, he knows people grow apart. And their age gap is getting wider. Adults, adults, they don’t get teenagers. And sooner or later, Sapnap’s going to leave him. Everyone leaves him.

“Our relationship might change,” Sapnap admits, and Forrest’s heart drops. Sapnap’s begun to voice his worst fears. “Dude I’m not going to lie. Things are changing. I am older, and that is going to change our relationship. But you’ve changed a lot too. Sure, you might be the same age, but Forrest thinks about you two years ago, versus you today. You have completely different interests and you’ve learned so much about yourself.”

And well, Forrest has to admit that Sapnap has a point. He’s changed a lot since he first formed.

“Forrest you were fucking depressed and traumatized so bad,” Sapnap reminds, “You were- you weren’t doing well. Don’t try and fake it with me, I know you.

“It’s- yeah, I’m getting older Forrest. Things are changing. Things have changed. For both of us. And our friendship has and will continue to change with it. But Forrest, just because things are changing doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop being your friend or that I’ll love you any less, got it dickhead?”

Forrest cries as a laugh bubbles out of him.

“You are such an idiot,” he says around sniffles. Sapnap- god Sapnap’s just the best. And the worst. Forrest doesn’t know how to explain it. All he knows is that he’s so grateful to have him in his life. And he’s so grateful that he’s not going anywhere.

Their friendship is changing. Sapnap’s getting older. But maybe, maybe that doesn’t mean Forrest is going to lose him. It doesn’t make everything better, not by a long shot. But that’s okay, because when things get hard, Forrest knows he has Sapnap by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Sapnap and Forrest are besties and you cannot change my mind. I'm hoping to write more about them, and also younger Sapnap and the system. Let me know if you have any ideas for one shots you would like to see :D
> 
> (Also autocorrect really wanted sapnaps name to be subpoena and just,,,, why google docs why???)


End file.
